Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Dreams and proto-stalkers

Pregnancy is supposed to result in very vivid dreams, although this time round I haven't noticed it as much, probably because my sleep is likely to be interrupted by cries of "I am feeling a bit sad" or "I need more milk". I have had the "I have given birth to two tiny tiny thumb sized babies that I keep losing and forgetting to feed" one, and also two where Hackney_bloke brought a new wife home (one time it was Delia Smith...), probably this is me sublimating how HackneyChild will feel about the new addition. Or fretting about my cookery skills.

Last night though I had a, cough, "romantic" dream about Hugh Laurie (he was Dr House but nicer), which reminded  me of how me and Lovely School Friend used to stalk him back in the day (we were mocked by those who preferred Jason Donovan or Bros, but who's laughing now he's a sexy American doctor, eh?). This was before the internet/ Twitter/ Heat magazine and I'm sure today's teen girl stalkers would mock the rubbishness of our stalking techniques. Here is HackneyHackette's guide to being a rubbish celebrity stalker.

1. Identify that your chosen celebrity is appearing in a play in London. Go and see this play as often as your meagre resources and distance from London will allow. After the play hang out by the stage door for your snatched conversation and autographs. On way home tut disapprovingly at the forwardness of girls who asked for a kiss. Never realise that you could actually save money by not seeing the play, just going to the stage door.

2. Discover that your chosen celeb lives in "Camden". Spend half a day touring what you believe to be "Camden" keeping a sharp look out for said celeb's car, the numberplate of which you memorised while engaged in 1. Have little idea of what you would do if you spotted this car, apart from a vague plan about pretending to do a Geography project and knocking on doors.

3. Write to celeb with an amusing quiz for him to fill in and be delighted when he charmingly replies saying "You are very funny, please stop it, the last thing I need is more competition." Actually that was all Lovely School Friend, I lacked the initiative and in fact the funniness.

1 comment:

Hackney_bloke said...

There has to be some greater cosmic significance to the fact that I used to keep bumping into Hugh in the dressing rooms of Archway leisure centre back in the late nineties. Me - attending a high NRG Sunday morning workout (pre-knee disintegration); Hugh - hungoverly taking kids swimming.
How was I to know that one day we would have you in common?